Lets Talk About Sex, Baby!

*head bobs to TLC song*

I came across this article and thought it worth a share. I have thoughts on the subject, which will likely follow in a subsequent post, yet I'll say this - it is only through sharing information about our bodies, and being honest about our needs and wants, that we are able to receive what we need from our partner(s). Honesty really is the foundation of sexual satisfaction.

Just an observation.
Read on.

The female orgasm can be a mysterious and intimidating prospect. Your partner may seem to be having a good time, but then she’s not finishing, maybe ever. And that can be a bit of a blow to the ego. Is there a mysterious code to achieving the female orgasm? And what makes it so complicated?

Turns out, quite a lot. The reality is most women don’t reach orgasm — at least through sex alone — says Emily Morse.  sexologist, host of the Sex With Emily podcast and Hustler Hollywood Contributor. “Between 70-80% of women do not achieve orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone,” says Morse.

We have to get a lot more going in our sex equation. “Adding in extra clitoral stimulation either with hands, mouth or toys can certainly help women climax while with a partner either while having intercourse or through foreplay,” says Morse. Oral sex is also a winner, so is nipple stimulation.  “Women’s brains process nipple and genital stimulation in the same region of the brain. So this can lead many women to experience nipple orgasms, as well,” says Morse.

But it’s not just about connecting the right dots, there’s a whole lot of science involved in getting her off. You may want to take some notes!

Orgasmic Science

When we orgasm, it is a response of the nervous system to sexual stimulation. Both men and women can experience orgasm under certain conditions, typically following genital stimulation, but there is a lot of variation in people's orgasm experiences, says Justin Garcia, Scientific Advisor forMatch.com. 

“In scientific terms, orgasm is characterized by subjective feelings of intense sensation and pleasure, including a sudden discharge of accumulated erotic tension at sexual climax and a temporarily altered state of consciousness. Orgasm is generally comprised of a series of psychophysiological responses, including genital reactivity, involuntary rhythmic contractions of pelvic musculature, changes in heart rate and blood pressure, and neurohormonal activation/deactivation,” says Garcia.

The Different Kinds Of Orgasms

Women vary quite a bit on what type of sexual activities lead to orgasm. “Research is mixed on this, but the best evidence suggest that most women do not reach orgasm from penetrative intercourse alone,” says Garcia. “Women's orgasm often requires clitoral stimulation, so stimulation of the clitoral glans (the visible part of the clitoris) by women themselves or by their partner, and this might include manual stimulation or by receiving oral sex, is quite effective in inducing orgasm. Some women experience orgasm just from penetrative vaginal intercourse, possibly by stimulating the internal part of the clitoral organ,” Garcia says.

“Clitoral orgasms are considered the most common of all orgasms for women and most say that they require some stimulation of this sensitive organ in order to climax,” saysDr. Jess, Astroglide's Resident Sexologist, who explains some women experience clitoral orgasms during intercourse, but many positions don’t provide enough friction or stroking to take her over the edge. There is good news, however, as there are a few simple solutions: Get creative and involve cunnilingus, fingering and vibrator play into your next date, and you are more likely to lead her to orgasm, says Dr. Jess. “Or simply lend a hand and reach down during intercourse to add direct clitoral stimulation into the mix,” she says. 

Vaginal orgasms are not invariably distinct from clitoral ones and there is a great deal of overlap between these interconnected erogenous zones, says Dr. Jess. “Research suggests that vaginal penetration alone results in orgasm for approximately one-third of women, but  this figure may be misleading, as the vagina and clitoris are not only close neighbors, but are, in fact, connected by a number of nerve pathways and muscular structures! The corpora cavernosa of the clitoris, which are two sponge-like tubes that form the erectile tissue of its body are located around the vaginal canal,” Dr Jess says.

Women Who Never Reach Orgasm

The realities for women vary, says Garcia. “There are some women who never experience orgasm. There are some women who experience orgasm during masturbation but not with a partner. There are some women who experience orgasm during sexual activity but not from penetration. There are some women who only experience orgasm with penetration. There are many women who vary, from one day to another and from one partner to another, depending on other physiological and psychological factors,” Garcia says.

There has been a lot of new research on orgasm the past few years about the female orgasm, says Garcia. “We now understand that orgasm is a both a biological and psychosocial experience.  Studies have shown that psychological state, including whether someone is distracted or if they feel ashamed about engaging in sex in the first place (e.g., the sexual double standard), might limit the ability to experience orgasm,” says Garcia.

“Further, new research shows that relationship context matters a lot too (i.e., Elizabeth Armstrong and colleagues have shown that women orgasm at much lower rates during sexual hookups than during romantic relationship sex).”  

Informative read, yes?  Now, share, or put into action and make sexual experiences pleasurable for both parties.

Never Forget The Lesson.

I found myself up early today.

'Up' here being defined as a willful awakening at sunrise, without the assistance of inconsiderately loud conversation, or the typical passive aggressive action, raising the volume of a radio broadcast to qualify as the most exact definition of  blaring there is.
My first thought? Find my phone. That electronic connection to the world outside of my typical routine, my connection to being 'in the know'.
I couldn't find it. Then came a vague recollection of an article read, touting the merits of using a browser, to find a misplaced mobile. I having done this before, knew it was a viable solution.Success was imminent! I got out of bed, woke the laptop from its state of perpetual hibernation, and quickly typed in, 'find my phone'.

 And waited.

...

Silence. Stark, and uninterrupted by the melodic peal of my phone's declaration of freedom from the oblivion, which shall henceforth be referred to as 'my room'. My plan having been thwarted, was now relegated to the status, of pipe dream.
I found myself visiting the various browser tabs open, to avail my self of a drink from the fountain of knowledge and inconsequential information before me. Gmail.

Inexplicably drawn to one if the most obscure categories messages are sorted by, I delve into the contents of my spam folder, whilst yet again wondering what the canned meat product tastes like - an understandable word association. Nothing of note. I noticed a folder created by me to separate messages if importance from the flood of correspondence moving freely through my inbox.

 A name which once caused echoes of sadness to ripple through the caverns of my heart was first in line. I read the words which when reading the first time,  separated my present, into 'before' and 'after'. Remaining unaffected, I accepted its truth. Browsing further, I found this quote by one of my favourite poets, Lang Leav, which reminded me of what I shouldn't forget.

"It happens like this...One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else--closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps this person carries within them an angel--one sent to you for some higher purpose; to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them--even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering--the reason for their presence will become clear in due time."~ langleav #loveandmisadventure

(Though here is a word of warning--you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn't to save you but to show you how to save yourself. And once this is fulfilled; the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life. They will be a stranger to you once more.

Truth in simplicity, and a reminder of the commitment to my journey needed. I was reminded of the growth from who I was - a person in pain, and the blessing of the presence of a friend when I never knew he was on his way. The lesson was taught, and accepted, yet old patterns threatened to return.

My job, is to remember.

The Truths That Matter

Hullo my love.

I think you need to hear me now more than ever before. You are an amazing woman. Learn and believe that. You've been told otherwise, by people who don't know how to love themselves. How then could they understand how to love you? Why should you listen to the incorrect perceptions of broken souls, when so many others see the beauty of your soul? And value the weight of your words?
We have work to do dear. Chains of self doubt to break. Scars of words to heal. And so much self love to give.
We will be OK. We will draw to our self the love that we deserve, because it will be given - first by us.
 Eventually the right path will find us, but until then, we deserve all the  positive experiences we find along the way.
Our family will be revealed through trails, and hardship - their love will strengthen us in the hardest of times.

We will be ok my love. So step outside of what you know, and take a hike to the water.

The Book of Daniel

Quite a few biblical passages have stories describing natural disasters as the tipping point towards rectifying a seemingly insurmountable problem.
The history of Egyptian Pharaohs through the eyes of prophets, is littered with bodies, eternally dancing in the currents of watery graves.

When quenching of spiritual thirst lead to a physical manifestation of that need after wandering through the desert, a man of unwavering faith saw impenetrable rock as a mere smokescreen for bubbling springs.

The great flood was a cleanse like no other, ridding the world of anything not contributing positively to its development.  Except mosquitoes. Somehow, they survived. Even supernatural beings are exasperated.

These stories were of a time of  trying circumstance, when the fate of thousands hung in the balance.

 This is a story of one.

Finding yourself in a rut at 26 is not the ideal circumstance. Mid life crisis would not adequately describe the circumstances, as according to the genetic pattern I sprung from, I'm due no less than three  score and ten. *knock on wood*

There's only this much distracting yourself from a total lack direction. Eventually it hits home that life has to be dealt with, instead of heading of on the next unplanned adventure. A proverbial 'rock-bottom'. Luckily for me my bottom is amply cushioned ( barring metaphor, quite true)  and even in a period of uncertainty, I gave been granted blessings to help shape and direct me.

Through a series of seemingly disconnected events - a laughable concept, as everything is - in a space of four weeks, I met and formed quite the attachment to the gentleman lending his moniker here. A complete disruption in the repetitive pattern I had gotten used to. One of the most soul stirring experiences a person can have, - I think - is to know that no matter how trivial the thought shared, or how brief the moment another soul sees you, and gives the gift of time.

Baubles come, sparkle and eventually lose their lustre. The finest of scents all fade eventually. Such things are appreciated, yet only momentarily satisfying. Time however is a gift most precious  as none know our allotted days, hours, or minutes along this journey. To have that be given, is a blessing. Support and inspiration without prompting, even more so.

Perhaps the forces of nature are ordained by God, to remind us of our fragile humanity, and purpose. Yet we recover, and the journey of life is resumed. The effects are sometimes able to be forgotten.
The presence of man, can leave an indelible mark through his ability to connect, and comfort in the most unexpected of encounters.
 I've always felt that blessings come at their most needed times. This one was a necessary reminder of the beauty of life, and being granted the privilege of living it.  
Oddly enough in a previous post, I mentioned the process of letting go, to receive new blessings. Said encounter only reaffirmed this, as old hurts were replaced by a joy greater than what was created before the loss. Joie de vivre.

Perhaps the true lesson was a reminder of the ebb and flow of living. That moments are to be learnt from, and released.

Perhaps given the success of natural forces in affecting the outcome of mammoth challenges, the forces of the universe combined to present me with an experience of similar magnitude.  A tornado of light, laughter and wisdom, creating the initial ripple in a tsunami of change.

One cannot hold on to light, just stare into its brilliance, and continue along the paths it illuminates. Water, is a force with a tangible presence. It pools in tears, and ushers in life with ripples of pain. Water has always been an element I've found myself drawn to.

Lessons are teaching me to ride the waves.

Life Is Just a Series of Memories

Quote by Danny Tornado.

"They're all memories. All of our life experiences. The good, the bad, they're all memories we have to experience. "

I thought about this for a bit, and had to agree. Every circumstance is nothing but a memory. Good, bad, they all fade eventually. To experience life we remain in the present. Remembering happens yet the circumstance would have passed. We chose how close to our present these moments remain. 

I'm keeping the good ones. 

Xo.

Dial down

 I spotted these lyrics, heard the song, loved it. Ergo, sharing.

                                                                                              "Vienna"

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me,
Why are you still so afraid? (mmmmm)

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day (Ay)

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through (Oooh)
When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight)

Too bad, but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right (you're right)

You got your passion, you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true (Oooh)
When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two (oooh)
When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

And you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through (oooh)
Why don't you realize... Vienna waits for you?

When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

Plantain Chips and Ketchup

I've always had an unholy attraction to fried things. Crispy things. The Almighty Crunch. The satisfying feeling of annihilating a flavourful object, daring to resist my will. (Perhaps overreaching in that description, but the others are on point. ) Today I 'skipped' breakfast, which here simply means I postponed it to an hour which may vaguely reclassify it as brunch. As is customary, my thoughts began to wander mid chomp fest. Mindless eating galore, sadly.
Mid nibble, the thought of self medicating came to mind. Stress eating, with no shame in gluttonous feeding. Perhaps triple the portion of chips being downed. Greed. A security blanket. An invisibility cloak. Or a metaphor for the burgeoning box of suppressed emotion hidden out of sight.

Of late I've been doing quite a bit of unpacking. A necessary plan, considering my health is dependant on both emotional and physical stability. Autoimmune diseases are no joke. In earlier times, I could simply ignore the symptoms, and all would rectify itself. Not anymore. Laundry needs to be aired out, bags unpacked, Pandora's box opened.

I had a beautiful conversation with a lovely soul - Carla - about the beauty of experiencing moments in their truth, and not resisting the feelings they inspire. Here's something she said.

It is so important to accept the challenge of feel our emotions whatever they are and cry for sadness and joy in order to release and let go the emotion otherwise it will create the Pandora box!!! It is a slow process but with time it becomes a good tool for us and for dealing with our lives ...

 Don't be hard or judgemental to yourself! By being only a keen observant we remain in a neutral zone and we can watch our behaviour patterns. With love and compassion with time and patience we discover the best way to heal ourself....life can become more and more interesting  as we become more and more aware of opportunities that we were not aware before or that we were to scared to grab! Meeting people like him is a blessing as the tornado shakes, and obliges a quantum leap  within  oneself!

Such beautiful truth. I've realized that in this year more bags are popping out of theshadows, more patterns of behaviour are being revealed. Perhaps its self awareness, or the elusive thunderbolt of adult wisdom finally hitting. Whatever the cause of this introspection, I'm open to all lessons to be learnt.

And I'll tell you, travelling lighter is an amazing feeling. Settling into acceptance and love of self, creates an ability to give of love to others.

And in giving, it is received.
Xo.

Lunar Tides, and Musings

A dear friend sent me a quotation with yet again fit into the pattern of things. Such truth in the words and photo to follow.

You’re only doing what you’re doing because it’s safe. Never let your fear decide your future. To play it too safe is one of the riskiest choices you can make. You cannot grow unless you are willing to change and adapt. You will never improve yourself if you cling to what used to be simply because it’s familiar and comfortable.
Accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what could be. The bold steps you take into the unknown won’t be easy, but every step is worth it. There’s no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream, but this chase is what gives meaning to life. And even if you have to fail several times before you succeed, your worst attempt will always be 100% better than the person who settles and never tries at all.

Words like these can sometimes seem like they come from a place of bitterness, but I've come to understand that acceptance of positive experiences in whatever timeline is allowed can be a beautiful process. Understanding them from a place of growth really is the lesson. Beautiful moments will ebb and flow. The key is to move with the tide. #freedtotheuniverese #xo

Finding Joy in The Fall

One of my favourite quotes has yet to be attributed to any author. Yet the words are no less poignant.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.  They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  They may seem like a godsend, and they are.  They are there for the reason you need them to be.  Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away.  Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.  What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled;  their work is done.  The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.  They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.  They may teach you something you have never done.  They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.  Believe it!  It is real!  But, only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.  Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);  and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.  It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Today a friend of mine goes home, and after wallowing in tears for what felt like the loss of his presence, I began thinking about the words of a lovely and wise woman, who pointed out that in refusing to accept an experience for what it is, we live outside of the present.

I thought about it, and realized that living in the present is engaging in all moments and trusting the process enough to release experiences, to embrace new lessons.
If my hands are full, how can I hold new blessings? I'm in transition, and so is everyone around me. Tears may come with the end of a season, yet in falling give life to new beginnings. In resistance the sea of life is dammed, yet with acceptance we experience the ebb and flow.

The lesson of today is that  every experience is transitory. Good and bad are all lessons to be lived, learnt and released.  More will follow.
Amazing friends will come, and touch the heart. Sad times will appear, and cloak the spirit. Events will change the course of a lifetime.  And nothing I will do, can change that. What my responsibility is, is to live in peace with each experience.

Cheers to the end of a season.
I sit in gratitude for the lessons, and await the new.

Xo.

When a Heart Breaks and Light is Found

"You ever meet someone, and they're like, light?
With energy that flows through them to you in the connectors of speech and sound?

Have you ever stepped into the light? Where thoughts of lost dissipate in brilliance, and beauty until you realized you just hadn't been found?
Well I have. And he is light waves. From a hi wave to goodbye waves, from arm hugs to a spirit hold, he is blessing.
Have you ever met someone and his name leads new beginning? Where souls breach walls and set sail on a ship, friend?

I have. And perhaps I'm jumping the heat, to the coolness of truth but tonight...
It was nice meeting you. #heartspeak

#positivepeople #positive energy 🎆 🎆 🎇 🌌 🎆 🎆 🎇 This was supposed to be brief  and it turned into a mini tribute.
I am truly amazed by the souls I am meeting. People who give great energy, and radiate positivity. Who inspire, and console for wrongs they are yet to commit.
Thank you universe. More please. "



Little did I know that a piece of the sun would fall into my lap after my request.

Very few times in my life have I felt seen. This experience is one I'll never forget.

A wise woman recently told me that when we live in a place of gratitude the miracles around us unfold.

In that light - Thank You Universe. More please.

Xo.

Icarus

It is said a woman's first love is her father.
Her blueprint through a sea of Lothario's and Romeo's.
And sometimes an example of what should be known.



Knowledge offered.
Logic led to to truth, much ignored.
You stroked your ego to the path of bruises.
You were saviour.
You saw emotional wounds much like yours and comforted.
The shrine of your womb his hospice.
Your arms made attempt to rewind time.
You opened heart to need, and soul to hurt.
Your strength became ambrosia placed at lips in comfort, your mind the ground on which battles on pain were fought.
You, became soldier.
Sioux Indian tracker, seeking the path to the balm, for soul.
You fed, through bitterness and anger, disposing of them in displeasure, offering the gift of sweet repose.

He grew stronger.

His heart no longer  weighted by steps of parting, his wings emboldened, falls cushioned by your bruised heart.

His feet said prayers to the clouds of morning,
Icarus, safely perched before meeting his demise.
Your spirit left mourning the imprints left behind.

Perhaps ego was the root.
 The naïveté of thinking your sacrifice mattered, avoiding the offered sip of truth.