Expressions of a manic

My mind wont be silent. 

Not shhhhh, time to go to sleep for ever and ever amen.....silent. But relax, let me gather my thoughts for two minutes, .....silent. 

I feel this needs to be expressed.

I feel that all I have learnt, is not longer valid, and the lessons to be taught I need to attend. Like an emotional growth spurt.... Like I am no longer an adult in this life class, but life, is schooling me.

I am confused. I feel that i have no idea what I want. That i don't even know if I want to want whatever I make up my mind to. When I do. Which is not too often.

I feel my indecision is preventing me from moving into the place I need to be. 

I feel, at times I question others too much. That I sprout sanctimonious bullshit, to hint at understanding a world where I am persona non grata.

I feel small. 

I feel that my existence is going to become entangled in fear, of things which are possible, yet not manifest. 

I feel fear, of not feeling. At being apart from who I am at my core. Fear at not realizing the depth of my soul. 

I feel fear of silence. Silence of others, in conversation. In company. Silence in response. 

I feel fear of being ignored. Discounted. Forgotten. 

I feel that I don't feel. I feel that I think. I analyze. 

I feel I react as I should, not as I am.

I feel my emotions are guarded beyond my conscious ability to set them free. 

I feel disconnected. On Auto pilot.  I communicate by routine, express what needs to be. 

I feel depressed. 

I feel, at moments my life is run by sadness.  

I feel people don't listen. Even to things which are right before them.

I feel change is imminent....possibly permanent.

I feel unloved. 

I feel emotionally bankrupt.

I feel drained. 

I feel that my mind, needs to be silenced.